gears have shifted

I haven’t spent much time blogging lately. I don’t know if it’s that life has just been busy and I’ve got caught up with that, or if I have purposely just stayed away or maybe a little of both. It seems like after getting divorced and going through a really challenging time, I started to make my way back up in life and there was a sense of a natural high that I was on. Life felt good. My hair was growing back, my kids and I were closer than ever, I was sober, my divorce and custody battle was behind me, I had a great job, have a great place to live, and it was my time to start voicing  it. Life has not changed for me, all of those things are still there and going great, but it’s almost as if the natural high is not as high, so to speak. As Summer of 2016 came to an end, it seemed as if so did the adrenaline of my new life. I am still moving forward and in a positive direction, but the only way I can describe it is as if I am in my new car driving and the gears shifted down a gear, just a changed a little bit. I am tired, and I know this is how life goes for everyone. It’s important that we all acknowledge it, doesn’t mean anything is wrong with me, but sometimes we have to push a little harder to stay afloat.

With the leaves falling on the ground and we start wearing sweaters and our cute boots, school is in session, and we have the stress of homework, and the sun goes down earlier in the day, things seem to be changing within me. I haven’t been working out at the gym at lunch like I was, I am having the desire to take a nap after work rather than have a fun activity to do with the kids. I finally agreed to my first real date this week. I’ve been putting this guy off for months and finally forced myself to go meet him for coffee. I didn’t really think much of it until the morning of. I started feeling nervous and thinking about what the conversation would be like and how awkward it would be right at first. I never remembering feeling this way years ago when I was single. Boy things change. He seemed to be really nice, but he talked a lot about his animosity for the church we grew up in and that to me was kind of a red flag in a way because it was almost a little obsessive. He talked a lot about his past dates, which made me realize he is a damn pro at this, when I am close to being a virgin! lol. After the date was finished, I walked to my car thinking “yessss, I did it. I officially dipped my toe in the ocean of dating.” But soon after my happiness flatlined and I was on a phone call with a friend and I told her of my date, after telling her the guys name, she told me she had been out with him a few years ago and that all he cared about was getting her into bed and she would hope I would never go out with him again. So, after that I’ve not known what to think. Why can’t dating be easier? Why can’t I just easily run into an old friend that is newly divorced and fall in love and that’s that? I am dreading keeping this up. I honestly keep looking around at all the couples around me and think, “how did they do this? I am so envious that they found one another.”

For now, I need to count my blessings that I might still be single and life seems to have shifted a gear or two, I am still heading in the right direction and I have my two best friends a long for the ride. Even if I do  pull over and nap along the way:)

 

Shifting Gears
A woman with her hand on the shifter in a modern car. Fisheye lens used for exaggerated perspective.

xoxo

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10 thoughts on “gears have shifted

  1. Hats off to your courage, patience and strength! All have difficult times, but not all deal with it right. You remind me of ‘ when the going gets tough, the tough get going!’ Thank you for sharing this post!

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  2. Good for you to recognize the red flags. You are incredible, all you’ve had to go through. Stronger than you think. Take the scenic route, rest along the way. This is your life. Enjoy it. Love those kids and smile and laugh and eat cake and ice cream for breakfast. Thank you for stopping by my blog. Nice to hear from you. Meghan

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      1. You are never truly alone. Take time, real quiet moments to notice all the blessings you have around you. The girl who smiles, the kid that waves, the old man who holds the door for you at the post office. Each of these people were sent into your day because His is looking for ways to tangibly show you he lives you. He is there. We just can’t see him. Try to feel him everywhere you go. Leave an extra seat for him at your table. Make him the honored guest. Talk to him. He is listening and a very real presence. The bible says in Isaiah that he is our husband. Let him full your empty places.

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  3. Hi there. I just discovered your blog today and, after reading all of your blog’s archive past posts (along with their related reader comments), I thought I’d post a short comment to you.

    Now, just so you know, I enjoy reading many other blogs, many of them financial, many others not, and often the blog authors use real (or alias) first names which readers can then directly address their comments to. Since you have not chosen to do so I’m at a disadvantage as to what to call you. I hope I won’t offend you (and get off on the wrong foot) but since your blog’s name is “Coming Out From The Dark”, I felt that an appropriate name for you would be – Phoenix. If you Google that name you will find this: “In Greek mythology, a phoenix is a long-lived bird that is cyclically regenerated or reborn”. And lady, from what I’ve read today, this suits you perfectly.

    So hang in there, Ms Phoenix, and keep smiling! 🙂

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      1. You’re most welcome, Ms. Phoenix, and thank YOU for your quick reply. Hope you’re having a great day and I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for your future posts.

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