doesn’t it seem like life just isn’t fair at times? it’s almost like i just got handed the shittiest hand time and time again. I HATE hearing people complain redundantly. And when i get on my blog, i think, maybe that’s all i do here. It’s my place to just vomit all over the blank page. then when I am finished typing and i publish my rant, i go back to savanna smiles (you might be too young to know who that it is).
i’m not afraid to work and i truly appreciate being able to bring in a paycheck. i was out of the working field for quite a few years while i stayed home to raise our two kiddos. even when i was home, i created an online boutique and handmade all the hair accessories and holders. it was something i enjoyed to do while i was a mommy. when divorcing j, i wasn’t afraid to get myself back out there. did i love the idea of not being home with the kids and having the luxury that i had before? no. but i believed in myself. it was hard for me cause i was a lot older and i never finished college, so i don’t have a degree. but i found this job around the corner from my home (huge bonus) and they were very casual with my hours and the fact that if i needed to go get my kids from school, they made it very easy. the pay was not great, but the benefits of the job were huge. i was told that if i stuck with it, i would be able to work my way up quickly. last year our company was bought out by a very successful company. they promised that they were a competitive paying company. i stuck it out thinking they would make my pay higher. i took on a new role that was triple the work that i was doing before, on top of doing the same duties i was doing before. when asking if i got a higher pay with this new role, i was told that i need to prove myself. 8 months later, still holding strong and been given more and more tasks and gaining confidence with it. my annual review came up and i was prepared. i had my market value printed out and even got peer recommendations. after having the meeting with my manager, i felt confidently that i was going to get a good pay increase. he requested that i send my increase request to the CFO, who my manager reported to. i received an email back from him saying that after looking into my market value, i was due for a considerable pay increase and that my manager would sit with me in our next one on one meeting and give me the specifics. all through the holidays i was so happy and felt like i was finally being compensated for what i deserved. i kept asking my manager when were going to be able to meet and i got ignored and he avoided me almost weekly. during this time, i found out our office all got a $3,000 a year raise to bump us all up because we were the lowest paid office out of all the companies they bought out. after finally meeting with my manager, they told me that the only increase i was getting was the one they gave everyone. so basically i am still getting paid the same as when i started and from when i only did a small portion of what i do now. it makes absolutely no sense to me at all. i asked how that made sense with the work i was doing before compared to the work i am doing now how they can even explain how that is fair? they totally led me to believe i was getting a “considerable” pay increase when they weren’t planning at all to give me anything and just saying that i am getting a raise based off of the one they were going to give me regardless of my work increasing. i am truthfully sick about it. i’ve given this company all of me for 3.5 years now for basically nothing. i know what i have to do and that is find something else, but it’s so hard to do that. they have NO ONE right now that can step in for what i do. i feel like walking out and screwing them over. the hardest part of all this is that j has stopped paying me!! ya know, if i was getting my child support and alimony, i maybe could make this work but to not get the raise i deserve after working my ass off and proving myself to them just to get told no, all the while i am trying to raise my kids with no child support or alimony. how does that work? how is that fair? how is it that a grown ass man can quit a 3 figure paying job just to stop paying his obligations? all i want is to be given what was agreed to and get paid for the work i do with my job. all of it is completely fucked up. now i am really stuck in a bind.
on top of all this, the woman that stole my identity is getting away with it because the detectives dropped the case. so all three of things to me seem so unfair. and in all honestly, i do feel like a victim in these circumstances. i know i need to get out of the pity party and control what i can control, but i just want to bitch. i want WHAT IS MINE and i want WHAT IS FAIR. how hard is that?
okay let me take a breather 3 – 2- 1 – ACTION.
savannah smiles 🙂