miss B

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I desperately don’t want to be that woman that hangs on to the same negative bullshit that her ex husband has caused and how she is scorned. I don’t want to be that woman that can’t quite get over his new life and his new woman. I feel like I come on to this blog and bitch about the same thing repeatedly. So I apologize. However, I didn’t create this blog to help me heal. So I think it’s a very fine line in allowing yourself to vent and be upset and start the healing process and then just bitching over and over and never finding resolution. I appreciate everyone of you that comments on my posts and involve yourself, it really does help me more than you know. Every time I show that I have a comment, it’s like the giddy kid in me every time I would get a letter in the mailbox. So now that I have expressed what I don’t want to do, let me get right to it and bitch some more (haha)…

Let me go back 6 months ago (I believe I touched on this, but never did explaining).. Miss B is my ex’s longtime on and off girlfriend.. she also was cheating with my husband the last year of my marriage which is why I have a bad taste in my mouth for her from the get go. They both work together and I was always worried about this woman working with my husband. I knew that he had a history with sleeping with his co-workers and he had a sex addiction, then when I saw her for the first time, I saw how beautiful she was. She had long black hair, tan skin, thin, beautiful big white teeth, a very reputable career, and very single. J always comforted me and told me I had nothing to worry about, as if that meant anything. She would always smile and compliment me on how beautiful I was and what a beautiful family I had when I would see her at work events. I eventually found 300 text messages between them on my birthday the last year of my marriage. Still, promising me they had nothing going on and really wanting to believe it. Found out she was engaged and we were invited to her wedding. The day of her wedding, I felt very awkward going to it when I felt like something was going on.  We ended up arguing and he went without me. Fast forward when I finally checked out, numbed myself with anything I possibly could, and got a restraining order, I found out that they had been on a few “business” trips together and that they had been seeing each other for some time. Her new husband is the one to tell me. She asked for a divorce from her new husband so she could be with my husband. To this day, they will never admit to their affair.

There was so many times I wanted to warn her what she was getting herself into. I lived through so much and even though it was hard to see her with J, there was a part of me that felt bad for her. Did she really know how emotionally abusive he could be? How much he cheated on his wife? How much porn he was addicted to? She couldn’t know, or else she would never ever sign up for it. I know how charming he is and how he will dazzle you and make you feel like you are the only woman for him. Everyone in the room will be jealous that he is all yours. People will be envious of your relationship and wish they could have the same. I know because again I lived it. But when all was said and done, things change. The honeymoon ends. The door shuts and real life happens.

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About 6-7 months ago, I received an email from her. My heart dropped. When reading it, she opened up to me and became a real woman that had real problems. Everything I wanted to warn her about, she was emailing me saying she had experienced. It’s hard for me to say that it didn’t validate me in some ways, but in other ways, I started looking at her as more than just the other woman that broke up my marriage. She had only heard stories of my marriage and the bitch that I had been during and after our marriage. She informed me that they had broken up for good and she felt it was time to reach out to the one woman that more than likely had experienced similar circumstances and that could understand the hurt. I was very apprehensive to respond and open up but after weeks of going back and forth, I finally started opening up about my side of the story. I really started thinking I could trust her. She apologized to me for so many times coming in and out of my children’s lives without caring for their wellbeing, and only thought about her’s. She regretted doing that and wished she could change that. I forgave her. We met up a few times and swapped very similar stories. Again this was all very validating. She told me so many awful things that happened with my kids there in his custody from drinking to sex to emotional abuse. She really didn’t hold anything back. She even admitted to me that she was very childish and needed his attention so much that she would push my kids aside while they were all together. All this time I was home crying feeling bad, there was so many problems going on. How did I not know? I opened up to her so much about how my kids hated him. About all of my thoughts about taking him back to court, and she wanted to help me getting the kids taken away from him.

After all these months, J and I had plans for Christmas with the kids. He continued to ask me to stay over night. I finally agreed. The night before, he called me and told me he felt it was a bad idea and it wasn’t comfortable for the kids. I knew something was up. He was the one that basically begged me to stay beforehand. Whenever Miss B and J break up, J and I start having a better relationship. He starts being easier to work with and coparent with. So when I got a long ass text from Miss B, my heart sank. I got this message literally as I was driving up to drop the kids off to J for my son’s birthday. As I pulled up, I got a message alert from her and at the same time I saw Miss B’s new luxury car in front of his house. HOLD ON, not only are they back together, but she is doing the one thing she apologized for. They didn’t take even a few days to introduce her back to the kids lives.  This long message was so long and just giving excuse after excuse for getting back together with him. Telling me that he is a changed man.. lol. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She had just did 6 months of major therapy, realizing how abusive and manipulative and narcissistic he was. She even told me that she really hurt him by talking to me and she couldn’t keep what I shared with her a secret. She told him everything I ever shared with her. At the end of the message, had the audacity to want to still be friends. I watched my son’s face drop when he realized she was there. I could see in their faces that they were thinking about how things were going to change and the first thing out of his mouth was, “why on my birthday? Could he not wait.” It broke my heart. I wrote her a message back that said something about how I am not surprised they are back together because I know all too well the toxic cycle they are in, but if anything I am really bothered she came right back into my kids lives without even a thought. Everything she apologized and regretted, she turned around and did the exact same thing. They were being selfish. When they get back together, they go through a honeymoon stage where they can’t go a minute without each other and then they post it all over social media. It literally is so sad. She wrote me back and told me she felt like I was fraud to her and she is disappointed in me. I literally had nothing much to say.

Since then, they play “house” with my kids. She knows I see her Facebook posts and every other weekend when my kids go with them, and she goes out of her way to post pics of her and my kids like they are her own. It is a punch in the gut every time. This last weekend, she was left with my daughter while J and my son went to a wrestling event. She posted pictures of my daughter and her having a spa day. I do my best in showing my kids that I am happy for them. I don’t want them to feel like they can’t have a good time with them. They are literally going to Disneyland in a few weeks. Since they have got back together a month ago, they have broken up already once and got back together. I know they aren’t happy, but why does it bother me so bad?

I truly believe that she wants a family of her own so bad and if she really needs my kids to fill that void, I’ll share them with her. I can do that because I know at the end of the day, they will always want me. They want me when they are sick, sad, hungry, tired, lonely, etc.. She is literally just a fill in while I can’t be there. I have to keep reminding myself of that. One thing that bothers me is in our custody agreement, J is the one that put in it that we cannot have sleepovers with that of the opposite sex unless married when kids are in our presence. She sleeps over every single night they are together. Every other weekend they go stay at her place and my kids sleep on the floor. This really bothers me. He thinks he is above our agreement, yet if I were to do that, he would have my ass back in court. I struggle wondering what to do. Do I do something about it or do I ignore it? My poor son at the age of 10 walked in on them having sex on the kitchen counter at dinner time. So this isn’t a couple that is smart. They have sex like monkey’s and drink non stop. My poor kids don’t need to be around that. One day when I find someone, J will get a taste of what he has put me through but the difference is, I will never do what he has done with my kids around.

I really struggle with Miss B and J. I try really hard to let it go, but it gnaws at me. It is constantly thrown in my face. I am always the single mom alone and they are always holding hands when we go to my kids activities. I don’t need them to be unhappy for validation in myself, but why does it still bother me? How can I move the hell on?

xoxo

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24 thoughts on “miss B

  1. Nobody wants to be “that woman” but the truth is….we are. I understand what you are going through. Although my children are grown, they have “chosen” my ex and his tramp. I too, have been labeled “insane” just as his first wife was.
    He and his present tramp will stay together because he is too old to cat around anymore and is afraid to be alone….so he pays her bills and she stays with him.
    That OW who emailed you….I would have responded “cry me a fucking river, bitch. You’re getting exactly what you deserve…and so is he.”
    Nobody who has been through what you are going through is going to fault any emotion you feel.
    The idea that yours and mine seem to be living the life with our children is indeed hard to swallow.

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    1. I really appreciate your comment. I don’t know why, but there something comforting about knowing that someone has felt or is feeling the same. I am exhausted with this all. I hope you are doing better.. I think you are awesome.

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      1. I know what you mean. Before I started blogging, I really thought I was the only person in the world who had wasted their life on a lying, cheating disease-giving scumbag….and of course, I thought it was my fault.
        The support and understanding you’ll find here is overwhelming.
        It’s not like we stubbed our toe or anything. We have been emotionally murdered.

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      2. You explained that 100% correct- emotionally murdered. Like slaughtered slowly. What sucks is I still feel like I am allowing it. It’s very hard to figure out how to deal with it when coparenting. It’s like I need constant advice and help walking through the day to day shit. Thanks so much for your support. It means a lot. xoxo

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      3. I feel the same way, although it has been almost two years since I last saw Loser. Everybody tells me that all I need to do if forgive him and I will be set free.
        Fuck that. All he ever wanted was my forgiveness…even while he was fucking his latest tramp.
        Not going to happen. Why would I ease his guilt by forgiving him? That’s MY power.
        Think I’ll hold onto it a little longer.
        I have four children but they are grown so co-parenting isn’t an issue. They are all on his side anyway. LOLOL

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      1. They want him to be happy. He was never much of a father to them. He was an excellent provider but only with money. He yelled and screamed at them and hit them.
        It’s only natural that now, trying to impress that tramp by making her think he actually cares about his children and grand-children, he would hone his pretentiousness. He sends cards now and writes little notes of “love” that he never did before….and the tramp has made it clear that she intends to have them all on her side.
        They have told everybody that I am “clinically insane.”
        The tramp warned Loser to be careful around me because “I might shoot him.”
        I think she has expressed the same sentiment to my older daughters because when my youngest daughter told them I was coming to Florida…they said “be careful.”

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  2. Well, a few thoughts pop into my mind as I read your words.

    1 – If I were you I’d stop looking at Miss B’s Facebook page. It really serves no good purpose and just upsets you (which she is aware of, I’m sure).

    2 – Agreeing with your other blog reader’s comments, I would have nothing to do with “Miss B”. Her actions speak louder than her words. Karma will bite that “village idiot’s” ass big time sooner or later.

    3 – You do however need to go the extra mile to protect your kids. If you see that your ex is not strictly following the custody agreement (regarding having sex with his bimbo when the kids are around) then one way or another you should seek legal help (in any way that you can) to see what you can do to address this problem. This should be your top priority in my opinion. Just a suggestion but it’s your call..

    Good luck to you.

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    1. Rob you always leave the best comments and I look forward to your advice or what you have to say. I think the 3 points you made are very smart. I know that I need to stop following her on Facebook, it’s like one of those things that you should look away but you can’t stop. I know it just causes me more pain. I have no problem with not having anything to do with Miss B. She is someone I cannot trust. I have learned that unfortunately. I have thought MANY times about taking ex back to court. I know without a doubt that once I go back to court, it will be a HUGE fight so I have to make sure all of it is worth it. I am not sure how judges will look at the fact that he is going against our agreement with the overnights. That is something that he cannot fight, it is all true and black and white. I have kept track of every night that they are with her over night. He might come back and try to find fault with me, but I am not going against our agreement. I know he will throw drug tests at me, which I am fine with. I just hate going through a huge custody battle. But my kids need to always be protected and that’s what comes first. I have so many texts from my kids saying they don’t want to be with him.. I know it would kill him because he thinks he is father of the year. My kids are so afraid of him. They will never really tell him how they feel. They are like two different kids with him and with me. It’s sad. But again thank you for taking the time to respond. I really do appreciate it more than you know.
      xoxo

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      1. Without a doubt you are correct in assuming that your ex will give you a very hard time should you try to stand up to him in court but your kids’ long term futures as well adjusted happy human beings is at stake. Right now you have only your own assumptions as to what to expect. Without committing to anything you could at least get some objective knowledgeable expert legal opinion from others and at least better consider what your available options are along with their chances for success. Your ex would be none the wiser if you at least went that far before taking any further legal action against him.

        Because of your documenting all of these events of your ex, along with the availability of testimony from your kids, I would think that there is a high chance that the court would rule in your favour and grant you full custody of the kids. You really need someone legally qualified to help you though. Status quo results (ie., doing nothing) won’t help your kids. I think you know that deep down. I also know that it’s easy for me to give you advice but it’s damn hard for you to stick your neck out and act on it.

        Whatever you decide, know this much – your readers here are 100% for you (including me), no matter what you decide to do long term.

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    2. Rob, as scared as I am in even thinking about moving forward in court, I know you are absolutely right. I obviously know because I have been documenting for a reason. I also have reports of how many over nights I end up having, compared to him in a month for the past 6-7 months showing that he really doesn’t even take them 50% of the time anyway. He wants full control of them, yet is quick to leave them to go out to the bars. But since I told Miss B when they were broken up how I feel, he all of the sudden is dad of the year again and takes them every chance he gets, cause I am sure he knows that I am documenting. I think my next step is to get some legal advice so I feel better about everything. Thank you so much for the support. I need it more than you know!
      xoxo

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      1. You’re most welcome. Just remember – when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
        You’re not all alone in this – we have your back (here in spirit) – to give you advice and support.
        Go kick some a– lady! 🙂

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  3. Calling someone bitter or scorned is just a really great way to try to make them shut up. Because God knows we don’t want to be bitter!

    I’m going to agree with Rob. First, stop following Miss B on Facebook. Block her, in fact. No contact is a godsend. Second, whatever bullshit excuse she comes up with next time DO NOT confide in her. She is the other woman; she is not your friend. If she’s having a hard time of it with her soul mate, oh well. Poor baby. That’s what happens when you choose to have an affair with a married man.

    I’m glad to hear you’re documenting. I hope you documented the time your son walked in on them having sex in the kitchen. While I have heard it’s useless to try to enforce a “no sleepover with the opposite sex” order because you’re always playing divorce police I would think that if you can point out that *he* is the one that wanted it in there and now he’s not following the order he insisted on having that it might work out in your favor.

    I’m sorry you’re going through all this. Cheating husbands are the worst!

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    1. Thanks for your response:) I know I need to stop following Miss B immediately. As much as it has hurt, I’ve liked having the ins and outs of what’s going on in their personal lives when my kids are with them. It’s childish, but true. But I know what I need to do for my own well being. Cheating husbands are the worst, and then you add emotional terror to it, it becomes hell. I think coparenting with him is almost just as bad, but thank God I am not still married to the asshole:) xoxo

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  4. Things cut very deep where your kids are concerned. I couldn’t give a toss what my ex does but the thought of someone else being with my kids isn’t easy even though it’s something I’ve had to get used to.

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  5. My ex introduced his whore to my kids 2 months after moving out – ending our 23 year marriage, 25 year relationship. She has been a constant presence ever since.

    A few thoughts. First of all, block that bitch. People who can act this way around children are Not Normal. Being in touch with her will lead to nothing but headaches. In fact, block him. I got a new phone number and have never given it to my ex. He can email me or talk to me through our attorneys. Knowing I can never get one of those pathetic texts, the “can we talk about us” bullshit has made a huge difference.

    Secondly, I’m not a believer of “karma” but let me tell you…..she is getting hers, and he his. After 2 1/2 years partying & living high off the hog, my ex suddenly realized he’d used up all his resources. He’d sold everything he could, took what he could from our business and maxed out his lines of credit. (the last one 1 froze – please freeze any your spouse has). According to my kids he was “really stressed out” over Christmas. I would imagine so. He knew he was (and is) looking at 10 years of alimony and no more resources. How long will she be happy with him if they are stuck at home when all their “friends” are at the country club.

    It sounds like you are dealing with 2 mentally disordered people. They have no capacity to think of anyone other than themselves. That’s why she came to you when they broke up. It made no difference to her what you were going through, all that mattered was that she has the support she needed. When you have people like this in your life all you are is a pawn, there for their use to be moved as they need you to move.

    I hope that what happened for me will happen for you: you will get to a day in which you feel nothing but disgust and contempt for both of them for they are contemptible people.

    Hang in! Happy I found your blog.

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    1. He introduced his girlfriend to your kids after 2 months?? Wow. Sounds like my ex. I am grateful that you are in a better place and have been smart about moving on. I need to take your advice. I want to move forward so bad. Thank you so much for comment. xoxo

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