anniversary

July 19th 2003 was the date I got married to my ex husband. That day was filled with so much excitement and hope. I woke up that morning with no doubt in my body that I was doing the right thing. I felt like the decision I was making that day was the best decision of my life. I was so calm and ready for this new chapter in my life. I honestly felt like he was my prince charming.  A lot of the time there is red flags. Everyone that knew us didn’t see any, that I know of. Our dating and engagement time was filled with flowers being sent to my office, vacations, lots of laughing, and not a care in the world. He would always say to me, “we can get through anything.” Boy did things change fast after we got married.

But this day 13 years ago was a beautiful day. It really hurts to look back on. I wish it didn’t. I wish I could look past it, but I can’t. Not yet anyway.  I often wonder if he even thinks about when we got married when he see’s what the date is today. I often wonder if he wishes things would have been different. I guess all of that doesn’t really matter anymore, but I still wonder.

Life is crazy. Our lives are filled with all different kind of anniversaries, memories, and stuff we wish we could block out. I guess all we can do is look at it for what it is and appreciate where we are today. I know I am grateful for the person I am becoming and grateful for my good memories, they shape who we are and why we do what we do.

For now I am signing out and going and making a new anniversary for myself. A date to remember my commitment to myself and learning to let go and move on.

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XoXo

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18 thoughts on “anniversary

  1. I can only imagine that is a tough event to get through. I haven’t passed the wedding anniversary yet but I do remember how hopeful I was on that day. I don’t think anyone stands up there speaking their vows and expecting any outcome other than amazing. I love your approach of recognizing this as an anniversary with yourself!! ❤

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  2. My anniversary was June 17. Sixteen years (since I’m still sorta married). The day freakin sucked. My wife ignored me most of the day, and did not want to do anything with me. She spent the afternoon and evening at the pool with the kids. I hated the day.

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    1. I am so sorry to hear of your anniversary and how bad it was. Sometimes they are so hard. I remember a few anniversary’s that were fantastic but some that were AWFUL when we were married. One time him leaving me at the hotel we were at… I can thank God I am not in that position anymore.

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  3. I have a very good memory and therefore find it easy to remember significant dates. I’m hoping as time passes that I won’t attach any significance to my wedding anniversary or anything associated with his affair. Last year though, first anniversary after filing, I took my kids out to eat on what would have been my 21st anniversay. Actually since we’re still married I suppose it *was* my 21st anniversary. I figured they were the best part of the marriage so why not celebrate them? It turned out to be the best anniversary I’ve had since finding out about his EA in 2013.

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    1. Wow. Thanks for sharing. It’s so hard especially the first few years after. Always wondering what could or should have been.. I tried to respond to your last message when you told me you were from where I am from.. let me know if you happen to ever come to town. I’d love to meet you:)

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      1. I will. 🙂 I’m not sure when we’ll be back. I’m in a huge transition phase right now and have no job. But like I said, I have 3 friends going through the same thing right now and they’re all out there and I want to have a divorce party out there, as tacky as that may sound.

        It’s funny. When we got the call to have CF transfer out there I was dreading it. I remember crying before we moved. Probably because it was so far away from family. But I ended up loving it out there. I made some fantastic friends and got really involved.

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  4. Anniversaries are difficult but have learned to not fight whatever I feel that day. If I’m sad, I’m sad…no guilt about it. I wallow in it. If I’m angry, I’m angry…I stomp and grit my teeth and live in it. One day it will be just another day so until then, I’ll just be whatever comes my way because the next day is just a day 😊. I like you made it about yourself. Great way to look at it.

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  5. I read that even though it was sad for you this day, it seems it meant a lot to you even so. You remembered some of the good times too. I suspect you also learned something from the experience, which makes it worth something in the long view. I wish you the highest and best as you reflect on your life at that point, and hope once the raw emotions are let go, you will find other loves, to include something(s) that won’t escape your grasp.

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