As I am living a clean and sober life, I run into normal every day problems and my initial reaction is to be devastated but usually my next thought is how I am very grateful for this issue compared to what it would have been a few years back when I was living in my addictions. Every problem would have been 10 times worse or back then I would have prayed for every day issues like the ones I am currently having compared to what I was living then. I am sure other people that are in recovery have the same thoughts as they go through life now, but I am going to dedicate this post to what my life in recovery looks like now and some of my thoughts.
First and foremost I wake up every morning so happy to feel good. When I was living with my addiction, waking up was dreadful. I would wake up usually sick, and if I wasn’t sick, I was sick with anxiety on how I was going to be able to get what I needed to be a feel normal and be a mom to my kids. I couldn’t just get my kids ready for school, it was always finding ways to get taken care of so that I could feel good. I am so happy to wake up every day and be healthy. I don’t have to worry and scramble on how to get healthy.
Next, I get to really ENJOY my children thoroughly. I am not distracted in anyway. My life is my very own now, I am not giving it away. I have SO much free time now. I can actually make meals for my kids. When I am driving with my kids, my mind is there. We can laugh, sing, talk together. At home, instead of me pretending to be there, but my mind distracted, I am actually there to spend quality time with them and be an active participant in their lives.
I can actually pay my bills consistently. Utilities and things aren’t getting turned off because I have used all the money on ways to get well. I can take my kids to do fun things that cost, where as before, I never could. My house might be not spotless, but it is livable. Before, I couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t make dinner and put dishes away. I didn’t have it in me to go to the grocery store and have food in the cupboards. I had the minimum but it wasn’t comfortable.
I had my master bedroom door shut A LOT. I can’t remember the last time since I’ve been sober that my room hasn’t been open to them. I am hardly EVER alone. They are always right by my side. Life isn’t a breeze but man, it is something I want to be apart of. My basket might be dropped, but I am picking up each aspect in my life… piece by piece.